First encounter of the year with a real human being.

It was late in the afternoon of a long, solitary day. Hunger was more of an idea than an actual need but I was desperate for some human contact so I went off to go shopping. I wasn't even sure what I was hungry for.  I knew it had to be something liquid that went well with brandy. Trader Joe's was closed so I had to settle for Safeway. I'm never happy in those huge stores. I can't find what I want easily,  and I wouldn't eat most of the so-called food they sell unless it was a famine.

I eventually found myself in front of the dairy cooler surveying all the myriad dairy and non-dairy products. The dairy case is about 20 feet long and I paced back and forth in front of it like a caged animal, staring intently for something to quench my thirst. I was having difficulty identifying that something because I was still annoyed that TJ's was closed.

In my self-induced fog, it was all I could do to focus on the overwhelming array of choices, let alone notice my fellow shoppers, with the exception of the occasional attractive woman shopper.

As I continued to look without seeing, I became aware of the sound of a man's voice behind me, muttering something. Without realizing it, I subconsciously began edging away from him. His voice got louder. I could make out consonants. “Roororoo..rorooroo.”

Finally, my curiosity got the better of me and I turned to look at him and see what the hell was wrong with him. The next moment was strange. I saw this man with his shopping cart packed full of groceries smiling at me saying, “Randoro”. Then suddenly the sense-making part of my brain snapped into place and I recognised Jim “Flash” Gordon, a fellow blogger, grinning behind his huge haul of food. I was a little flustered but I managed to make relevant small talk. Even though I've known him for years, I'm really a friend of his wife's so I haven't yet figured out what to talk about with him. Still, it was enjoyable to encounter him and connect, especially a few minutes later when I saw him pushing his cart ahead of me. (I just couldn't seem to get over how much food he had in there.) I starting calling out, “Flaaash”, a few times before he finally turned around. “Ha, I got you back”, I said in mock triumph.

Well, that was it for me. I'd had enough of Safeway. I'd found a some things I thought would work well with brandy and I headed for the checkout of which there were plenty. Which one to choose? I usually look for the shortest line with the most attractive woman. It could be the line for Hell and my male brain would still scan for that. There were some good candidates but no-not this time-too many others pushing carts filled to the top with groceries. I went for the express lane; fifteen items or less. Only one guy in front of me. I could almost feel the cool night air that was about to greet me outside the door.

The guy was finished, his items bagged on the conveyor belt. He was swiping his card.
“I'm sorry, your card is declined”, the checker says. "Oh, I've got another one", he says. He starts fumbling around in his wallet looking for another card, "Here try this one". The checker signals for him to do it. He does. Declined.

“Huh. That's weird. Wait – I'll find another one”. He fumbles around some more. He empties his wallet out onto the checkout counter. He drops things on the floor. “Wait, try this one”, he keeps saying. “This is a problem. There's something wrong here. Wait – here, try this one”. How many freaking cards can this guy have, I wonder.

Finally, the checker, who has displayed exemplary patience up to now says, “All right. This is the last time. There are people waiting in line”, in a very strained tone of voice. I turned to look at the long line that had formed behind me. I couldn't tell if anyone was about to lose it. Probably everyone felt the same relief I did because we knew this was it for this guy. That was clear.

Okay, here we go...and the result is...TRANSACTION NOT APPROVED. Oohh, too bad. Now the guy starts saying, “There's something wrong here. I've got to go home and get another card. I'll be right back. Hold my groceries for me. I'll be back with another card”, all the while trying to stuff his stuff back into somewhere on his person, not doing too good a job of it either.

While all this drama was playing out, I was engaged in trying to get a “read” on what was really going on with this hapless man. Was he for real? There was something “off” about his demeanor. The checker, as if reading my mind, exchanges a look with me as if to say, Uh uh. I've seen this too many times before and he fits the profile.He's not coming back.  Even so, she dutifully instructs the bagger to “hold his bags”.

Now it was my turn to purchase my few items. Transaction complete, I punch in my ancient Safeway club card number, hoping I remember it right. Yes, I do and I get a discount! With great satisfaction I whip out a crisp twenty and hand it to her saying, “Hey, cash is always good, isn't it?” “Yes, sorry for the wait”. She barely acknowledged me and my wit. I left feeling annoyed about that.