Message From God?

Message From God?

I've been working with the idea of releasing everything with love. The first thing I thought of was the inherent irony of the idea of releasing my attachment to all my ideas about reality. Then I realized how difficult it is to do. I have some very deep-seated ideas about some specific groups of people whose actions I find objectionable. How can I release my ideas about them and still retain my unique sense of self? When I go out in nature away from the human created world, it seems very easy to let go of everything. Life seems clear and simple. I can see how my attachment to one aspect of my reality leads to aversion or it's opposite. Such is the nature of duality but that's a topic for another blog post.

In my travels around the Bay Area recently, I've been noticing a billboard announcing May 21 as the Day of Judgement. I have a lot of judgement about that idea and the ideas I imagine are underneath it; namely that God is to be feared and we risk eternal damnation if we don't get “it” right. I can admit to spending a lot of time in my head arguing with the proponents of that belief system. That, of course, gets old fast and sometimes I think I want a real encounter with some fundamentalist. A few days ago, I got my secret wish.

I came home late to find an RV parked in my customary spot which is the first thing I noticed along with the fact that it's taking up two spaces. That alone is sufficient to arose my ire but then I noticed that this RV was emblazed with large letter quotes from the Bible such as, “FEAR GOD” (I'm not sure that's a direct quote or an inference) “ My God is a consuming fire” and some other stuff from Revelations about a New Heaven and New Earth, blah blah and the same prediction about May 21 being Judgement Day. Clearly there was a connection. Wow. Was God trying to tell me something? Should I repent my heathen or pagan ways? NO. I didn't even consider it. There's nothing to repent Since I wasn't feeling spiritually threatened by this I wondered what, if anything, this might mean and if I should do anything about it like call to get this thing towed as soon as possible. I didn't get any answer from my Self about this so I just sat with it. Actually, I went to sleep and forgot about it but the next morning I saw that it was still there and in the full light of day the sight of this monstrosity was starting to get to me. 

Through the years I have engaged in many arguments with christians in the privacy of my mind. It's been a long time since I actually encountered one of the fundamentalist variety and now one was parked right outside my home. I went outside to the sidewalk to further investigate. Mostly, I wanted to find out how long it might be parked there. While I was pondering this, a man walking a little dog came down the sidewalk towards me. He came up next to the RV, looked at me, opened the side door and walked it. He seemed to be about my age with a slight build. For some reason, I thought he might be gay – maybe it was the dog. (Maybe I just wanted to believe he was) There was my big chance to argue with a real live fundamentalist, whose belief system is diametrically opposed to mine. Or is it? A little voice in my head whispered. I realized that I didn't want to argue with this real person after all nor did I want to “punish” him by having him tickected. That seemed strange to me. I went upstairs to my room and reflected on my state of mind. Did I really want to let this part of me go or did I just not want to think about it. Neither one felt right. So I engaged in my little fantasy encounter with him which went something like this: I didn't want to debate the logic or lack thereof of his beliefs but, instead, I wanted to ask him how it was that he could even get out of bed in the morning believing and thinking the way I assumed he did. I mean- how could you be possibly be able to be happy about getting to go to Heaven knowning that every second of every day, someone somewhere just died “without Jesus” and is condemned to eternity in Hell? I didn't really want to hear his answer to that because I assumed he would have some pat answer. What I imagined was saying to him, “If I thought and believed the way you did I wouldn't be able to find anything to be happy about at all. I would feel absolutely miserable about existence. In fact, when I got to Heaven (I'd end up there because I “know Jesus”) I'd want to ask God, “Why'd You set it up this way, anyway. What kind of God are you?” I wouldn't shut up until I got an answer that made sense either. I figured if He got angry at me for asking a legitmate question then maybe He wasn't the All Powerful, Infinite, Perfect God everyone makes Him out to be so He could just kick me out in violation of His own “rules”. I wouldn't want to spend eternity with You either – so there! 

Right. The whole thing is just ridiculous but this has been a argument I've been having with myself for a long time. It's just insanity and there's no making sense of insanity. Then I really let it go. If that man or anybody else wants to believe insane nonsense that 's their business. I understand that they want to impose their beliefs onto others. I imagine that that enables them to get out of bed in the morning and not want to kill themselves out of despair. If I feared God, I'd want to something insane like that. Since I don't the scriptures they profess to believe make a different sense to me. For instance, “God is a consuming fire” sounds like Shiva, the aspect of God that “consumes” material things. I like the idea of a “New Heaven” and “New Earth”. I've decided to focus on what we have in common, instead.

So, then I walked down the hall to our administrator's office to chat. (I live in a metaphyical church) She looked up from her desk and asked me, “Did you invite those people to park their RV in front of the church?” I looked at her increduously and said,

“No way!”.

“Well, I just called the police to come out and ticket them so I guess Judgement Day for them is here”.

Perfect, I thought to myself as I burst out laughing.

First encounter of the year with a real human being.

It was late in the afternoon of a long, solitary day. Hunger was more of an idea than an actual need but I was desperate for some human contact so I went off to go shopping. I wasn't even sure what I was hungry for.  I knew it had to be something liquid that went well with brandy. Trader Joe's was closed so I had to settle for Safeway. I'm never happy in those huge stores. I can't find what I want easily,  and I wouldn't eat most of the so-called food they sell unless it was a famine.

I eventually found myself in front of the dairy cooler surveying all the myriad dairy and non-dairy products. The dairy case is about 20 feet long and I paced back and forth in front of it like a caged animal, staring intently for something to quench my thirst. I was having difficulty identifying that something because I was still annoyed that TJ's was closed.

In my self-induced fog, it was all I could do to focus on the overwhelming array of choices, let alone notice my fellow shoppers, with the exception of the occasional attractive woman shopper.

As I continued to look without seeing, I became aware of the sound of a man's voice behind me, muttering something. Without realizing it, I subconsciously began edging away from him. His voice got louder. I could make out consonants. “Roororoo..rorooroo.”

Finally, my curiosity got the better of me and I turned to look at him and see what the hell was wrong with him. The next moment was strange. I saw this man with his shopping cart packed full of groceries smiling at me saying, “Randoro”. Then suddenly the sense-making part of my brain snapped into place and I recognised Jim “Flash” Gordon, a fellow blogger, grinning behind his huge haul of food. I was a little flustered but I managed to make relevant small talk. Even though I've known him for years, I'm really a friend of his wife's so I haven't yet figured out what to talk about with him. Still, it was enjoyable to encounter him and connect, especially a few minutes later when I saw him pushing his cart ahead of me. (I just couldn't seem to get over how much food he had in there.) I starting calling out, “Flaaash”, a few times before he finally turned around. “Ha, I got you back”, I said in mock triumph.

Well, that was it for me. I'd had enough of Safeway. I'd found a some things I thought would work well with brandy and I headed for the checkout of which there were plenty. Which one to choose? I usually look for the shortest line with the most attractive woman. It could be the line for Hell and my male brain would still scan for that. There were some good candidates but no-not this time-too many others pushing carts filled to the top with groceries. I went for the express lane; fifteen items or less. Only one guy in front of me. I could almost feel the cool night air that was about to greet me outside the door.

The guy was finished, his items bagged on the conveyor belt. He was swiping his card.
“I'm sorry, your card is declined”, the checker says. "Oh, I've got another one", he says. He starts fumbling around in his wallet looking for another card, "Here try this one". The checker signals for him to do it. He does. Declined.

“Huh. That's weird. Wait – I'll find another one”. He fumbles around some more. He empties his wallet out onto the checkout counter. He drops things on the floor. “Wait, try this one”, he keeps saying. “This is a problem. There's something wrong here. Wait – here, try this one”. How many freaking cards can this guy have, I wonder.

Finally, the checker, who has displayed exemplary patience up to now says, “All right. This is the last time. There are people waiting in line”, in a very strained tone of voice. I turned to look at the long line that had formed behind me. I couldn't tell if anyone was about to lose it. Probably everyone felt the same relief I did because we knew this was it for this guy. That was clear.

Okay, here we go...and the result is...TRANSACTION NOT APPROVED. Oohh, too bad. Now the guy starts saying, “There's something wrong here. I've got to go home and get another card. I'll be right back. Hold my groceries for me. I'll be back with another card”, all the while trying to stuff his stuff back into somewhere on his person, not doing too good a job of it either.

While all this drama was playing out, I was engaged in trying to get a “read” on what was really going on with this hapless man. Was he for real? There was something “off” about his demeanor. The checker, as if reading my mind, exchanges a look with me as if to say, Uh uh. I've seen this too many times before and he fits the profile.He's not coming back.  Even so, she dutifully instructs the bagger to “hold his bags”.

Now it was my turn to purchase my few items. Transaction complete, I punch in my ancient Safeway club card number, hoping I remember it right. Yes, I do and I get a discount! With great satisfaction I whip out a crisp twenty and hand it to her saying, “Hey, cash is always good, isn't it?” “Yes, sorry for the wait”. She barely acknowledged me and my wit. I left feeling annoyed about that.